FLASHBACK 200LBS - October 29th,2009
When I began my weight loss journey almost 3 years ago, I never imagined how completely and totally it would effect every area of my life. How shedding pounds of disgusting fat would show so immediately in how I live my life.
When I set out originally to lose 50 lbs I was just doing it for my clients. At the time I worked in a weight loss clinic as a personal weight loss consultant. Helping clients lose their weight once and for all through healthy life style changes. I felt in order to better guide them on their weight loss journey I had better follow my own advice and lose my extra pounds as well. Plus what better inspiration could I be to my clients then to lose weight right along side them.
But as a few pounds began to drop off I began getting more then just the inspiration I thought I was giving to my clients. I was beginning my own personal journey into my own self discovery. I was completely unaware that I was about to embark on a journey that ultimately would change who I was not only on the outside but on the inside as well. My entire life was about to get an overhaul and the people around me were going to experience this change for good or ill.
Let me explain.....
To understand Fat is to understand your relationship with food. Food can become an addiction easier then smoking or alcohol can. Food is readily available to you, you need food to survive. It's not like you can quit food, and why would you want to. When on every channel you watch is mouth watering tasty morsels of food. Not to mention that as children we are taught by watching our mothers and sisters and aunts turn to food anytime some thing was amiss in their lives. Food is used as comfort, for the bad times as well as the good times with celebrations like Christmas. Every one has a relationship with food whether it is a healthy one or not, whether you are over weight or not. Understanding this relationship is key to understanding yourself and how you deal with life. I was learning how I dealt with my life...and it was not healthy.
I was learning that I was someone who used food to hide my life, to hide what I disliked about my life. I was someone who was not happy with themselves, as I had so wonderfully convinced myself I was. As with any addiction I was hiding behind my fat. By being fat I didn't have to partake in life. I didn't have to go swimming with my kids, cause a bathing suit and me were not allowed to be paired together... hahaha Peared!! By being fat I didn't have to travel... have u tried to get over 200lbs into an airplane seat? And amusement parks nope, didn't have to worry I was way to fat for that ride. I was designated coat holder and I convinced myself that I was okay with this. I also convinced myself that I was happily married and letting oneself go was normal, acceptable even. Lets be honest though, there were other things I did get to do, like enjoy a great meal at the Keg with my husband, or go to the movies where I secretly was just going for the popcorn, and omg. hello? Thanksgiving!! I surrounded myself with people and situations that embraced my fat. When I started losing the fat I began losing the situations and people that supported the fat. And that's where my life began to change. With every pound lost another toxin was cleared from my life. Some was welcomed change and other changes were hard to chew. The fact I sit here with my life upside down is one that's hard to chew.
We spend so much time rationalizing our weight problems. Convincing ourselves that we will get skinny when we are ready. They have created books to help you love yourself as u are, fat and all. Society has made is acceptable to be fat. All these are nothing more then fat blockers to allow u to keep the status quo. It's easier right? And then there is the fear of what ifs? What’s if you do lose this weight? 'Look at Angie she left her husband after she lost all her weight, and look at
Cathy she is such a bitch now that she's skinny.' We all do it.
And this was all oblivious to me in the beginning. I really did just set out to be the best consultant possible and to teach and guide my clients as best as possible. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my life would change as dramatically as it has... and still is. I begin my story in the middle and I invite you to be a part of my future growth by understanding my past lessons. And maybe you can relate and make the changes necessary in your life to lead the life you were truly meant to live, and not hide behind the fat, smoke or alcohol any longer